"A" can be a "B but "B" be an "A"?

Today was a rainy wet weather day. I woke up with laziness weighing on my eyes. Glanced at my mobile it was 7.30am. As usual I climbed down my bed, walked to my wardrobe mirror and thought to myself 'hmm should I wash my hair or not?' Well it was greasy. So I shall... But the hair needs a major make over, I thought... Guess gotta go to my fave Hair Stylist at JB this weekend again.

Then as I turned behind to the door, a pile of fresh laundry lying adjacent was staring at me. If only I had a maid, I pleaded. But anyway my family and I detest the idea of maid interfering our space though she might be handful. Ransacked through the clothes basket and picked my attire for the day for ironing.

So I walked to the kitchen. Damn... The hot water flask isn't on. So turned it on grumbling and tellin my mom... Pls turn it on in the morning. I need my cuppa to wake me up. Then impatiently I headed to the fridge. Grabbed apple juice and drank while walking towards the main door for the papers.

Cant remember what I was reading but it mentioned something of ...err ok I cant recall... Because my Bro was screaming ... Yucks how can you drink without brushing your teeth. With bated breath, I replied... I rather brush stained teeth than stain a brushed teeth.....

He shook his head hard. It seems like I've done the a gross deed. Man It is my life. Let me be myself.
Yeah Fair Enough...

After soothing shower got dressed and up drove up to work,cruising mostly at average 90km/h.

Day at Work was blah blah blah. Till someone was msning me and told me something similar along my morning's witty reply...

A WILD GAL CAN BE CONSERVATIVE
BUT A CONSERVATIVE GAL CAN'T BE WILD...

So its ok to be WILD EH??? :-)
That was Double Edge Sword Comment for sure...

Have a Wild Day Folks...
Cos today the planets may tinkle the Venus in You... ;-)

I Fear the Unknown

I ain't proud of myself anymore. Something is going amiss. I think alot. But Beg to differ. Life seems dangerously stagnant.

Am dangerously going for the wrong kind of people. I know that I can never get such a true form of happiness in life.

I want a break badly. Cos I hate myself for who I am. I cant see this positivity in myself anymore. Even if the movie Pursuit to Happyness well suits to what I am feeling now. I don't want to watch it. Money ain't everything after all.

I feel for all the ladies who are divorced and stranded as single moms struggling. Ma salute to you all.

ForeignEd

Some look like it, but they don't seem like it
Some show it off with what they don't have.
Some speak it with when their heart didn't link with it.

I have been through all of these alone.

I paying a big price for my dreams. Which all resolves as soon as this good year ends.

I'm still the same girl.
..........

A girl who is living in 'foreign' land. Yes I'm the "FOREIGNED" Citizen. I live in my own house like a foreigner, I work as if I'd lost the job and "citizenship".

I wanna achieve as much as possible before the same episode of ill memories hit me again.
Seriously I don't know what I want in this "foreign" land. Everything seems new and scary to me.

It is not the end.

So much of rage
To see numbers escalate in my age
I cant dance it off like you MJ,
to retreat in disarray.

So FrustrateD. Lowest point in my Life.

I've a car coming up. But I guess no one would be as eagerless as I am.
Friends tell me watch the expenses. That was when the times were good and fog was no where to be seen.

The moment the strategy change in my organisation no one welcomed it with open arms as one could imagine.
Sales dropped and so did the revenue. It feels like being a poor kid again. Something familiar and unwanted especially with the never-ending expenses.
Lest hope not the stress and tension.

All I can do for now is Hope for the High Spirit to Hit Me Again.
I need the money. I need my shape. I need my arrogance. I need my Power.

I NeeD My Presence to be felt. Confidence may be restored. Keeping pride in Check.
I am that Millionaire by the Age 32. (one year after me golden age 31.)

Lord, Pls don't make me regret getting my new White Knight Asset.
Amen

is it my mistake if
I can see through your stupid take.
Smell your ulterior motive
without any utterance.
wreck ya guts in your loins.
Expose your weakness.
If I find myself to be strong
You try to prove I'm wrong.
Don't challenge me too deep.
just don't push yourself too hard.
You appear like a fool.

Equation in the Minds- To simplify it

Frustrations + enjoyment, guilt +pleasured, happy + tearful, funny + lame, stupid + narrowly intelligent, agressive + too forgiving, spendthrift + splurger,
pretty + yet loner, friendly , + loner, attracting+ loner, well-off = LONER.

Aah now I've figured. The answer is 'loner'. Cant define the emptiness. It is a void which I find it at night and the morning after I start measuring the space. In the evening I would fill it up, but during the wee hours of sleep I realise it is not filled after all...

So I look for Green and Cool Mr. Viceroy for all the sessions of the day. He's a Sensation when Flamed. Enters into me and gives me a insatiable heat. And he leaves without any signal killing me softly.

I wanna a Puppy. Keep him close to me while I sleep. Feed him while I stroke him gently. Climb up to me whenever he sees at the end a tiring day from work. Command him to my presence if only he's up to naught. & attract lotsa love from my lil nieces & nephews.

Sometimes I wonder why people like small and cute living beings. Just "to pour out unconditional love". No expectations on either side, no demands, just cuddles & exchange of simple words & rubs from each other. Only cos they can't speak.

I just would like one. Someone to look out for when you come back home. Just need an urgent arrangement for a partner who loves dogs as one of his kid.

Just can't explain the excitement. But can I maintain him? Gd Qns.!

I've a craving for that familiar feeling. Perhaps I shouldn't rant about this anymore. It will only portray the impression that I'm not moving on. But for once allow me to just have pieces of memories strewn away here.- The feelings which are becoming stranger and stranger as the eternal interchanges of nights to day.

People change. I've changed too. Like my innocence, materialistic hunger, exposure, inability to trust anyone & so on and on. With the exception of my stubborn nature.

As we all evolve, during the growing phase of my life I have found simple joy. It came from serving others needs without ridiculous expectations. Perhaps one of the best moments of my life when I observed the above mentioned in a lil Italian Cafe in Science Park.

I was a bumper back then. No Joke! I barely knew what I should go for in life. So I did waiteressing. I was working or rather enjoying myself in this Science Park Anthonio's Cafe. But it wasnt that bad an option as what my mom thought to be. In fact she didn't knew I was did coffee making. Making espressos whose cost price is only 50cents and selling them at $3.00. Not bad eh. Stacking Muffins, pies and sandwiches personally supplied from the bakery.

I was mostly engaged in physical than mental activities. Stacking 10 odd alfresco tables with 30 wooden straw chairs together. Sometimes I would accidentally disrupt the lil rodents and blackened lizards to jump off from their sleep.

Temperature was horrendous. Its an outdoor cafe, exposed to the rain, humidity and shine. The perspiration sticks, face gets oily and dark blotches of sweat stamped in the underarm part of the Marooned Polo T. Somehow I wonder why I didnt complain like I do now. Perhaps call it Vanity.

So What kept me going then?

The aroma of the espresso brewing. Any anti-coffee freaks would risk betting their last dollar to loving it. The music of the coffee beans grinding. Which means fresher coffee and sales are picking up. Stainless Steel Coffee spoons stirred like the shape '8' by demure office ladies. Only to know they are enjoying their cuppa along with our out loud Radio screaming Class 95. Me preparing pastas to their Al Dente. The origniation for my Pasta Addiction.

Then how about ogling at tight bodied expats esp the Europeans.
Well I'm not ashamed about my undying fascination for the Europeans than the Americans. They just seem to appreciate the Espresso and know how to enjoy their lunch & still manage to look LEAN & MEAN.

Have I mentioned the Lunch Time Crowd? A meal easily could cost about $5.20. Wasn't it pretty high in 2001? There are some who would still visit us daily twice which calculates to my 2 hour pay? I would wonder that if these people are really rich or the food we served was great? I prefer the latter though. :P Well now that is what I would spend just for my BreakFast. Damn Inflation.

By 4pm, I'll be released off to go home. But it would be pretty damn early to knock off home. So I'll hitch a Bus ride to Paya Lebar to see my boyfriend. Who was then a Temporary Pallet stacker for SingPost. (Sadly we're no longer together since last year). He was such a simple and less complicated guy. We were so thrilled to meet each other. No expectations, no commitments! No Tensi0ns. Only a bike with petrol from the rider and the Pillion both fists latched from back without any say. & Love in the name of Fuel to keep both the Vehicle and Us going. Gosh. It didnt matter if we stink with our work sweat. Just ride to explore. Just Damn fucking good Jolly Ride. Seeking different woody spots in Singapore. Gosh, this was what I meant as Puppy Love perhaps. How does it feel like to be in such again?

Going back home was another challenge. Tough to let each other go. & Soon when we reach home- the handphone conversation began. Back then only Starhub had free incoming. I wonder if I could have survived without that Telco.
Now with a decent job to die for- a Far Cry since 2000, comfortable lives, Gd enough to afford a Cuppa daily & he's gone.
I'm so unfamiliar to those moments. Where am I? What am I to do to supress those yearnings...

Best Regards
Nithya L Krishnan
Financial Services Consultant
Maybank @ Tampines
Partnerships Distribution

It all started with "What have you been up to Naughty gal?"

Oh Dear S. S.,

Don't you think we had too many lil differences and quarrels over the past few months or a year or so. Call it petty issues that we couldnt agree upon. And then we would go missing for few weeks to months. Then again get aloof by starting to text again and getting back together. Perhaps seeking some TLC- which eventually didnt turn out to be.

It was just that this time it went beyond control. Esp when you said " no wonder you had been single". I'm sorry for my retaliation. But I had my reasons- It felt like a blow to my pride- I admit. So on my side words just streamed along with neither caution nor tact.

Was really shocked that it came from You! Well well what about you being Single... ? Wait beofre you bore me with your same monotonous excuses which are mounting work, no time etc etc, I Somehow rather hope you will tell me something new.

& back to my shock-U Knowing what I'm going through, you still blurted that out... I'm sorry for what I've texted you. Perhaps the reason is simple: There has been tension going on with us. It will be great if that could be mellowed down. With Conversations that is.

But this time you would probably say "Sorry I have trust issues"-Hmph!!!

Nevertheless I'm sorry.

Hope we can do Sushi again, before you go overseas. Catch a Beer again at Harborfront's VivoCity's Figs. And, Oh by the way, I can drive you home when I've gotten my 4 wheels by July...

Just want to give you a hug & of cos seek some good reciprocation.

This blog is sincere and is strictly intended to the Spottiswoode Resident!

:)

Hi Blog how have you been?

Not that I've been attached or seeing someone.

Just praying that if I were to see someone whom I like, Lord pls don't let him say he's afraid of commitment etc. Just tell him that he cant see a future with me & F off...

Sick of all these conceal emotions, mind games blah blah...

I'll just wait for the right one...

& Damn the wait is killing me now. Not the wait for my Beau.
But my car.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHoNNEHsz5E

Well we all know & have heard the Koreans' image over the automobiles...
They probably suck... But not till I saw This one...

feel small in the shrinking environment

she was flipping through her pending documents and doing some mental filing of their priority. As she was trying hard to focus, she couldn't take her mind of her falling businesses and how the pay lately isn't rewarding her efforts.

she looks towards her side and glanced over her colleagues of other departments. Over the past few months she isn't surprised that they too were facing a similar fate.

She felt being cheated by a partner of giving her a fake business. And afraid to sign up some new customers who she thinks might drop the policy for a shortlived exchange of gifts. sometimes she finds that being at the right place and company is very very important.

she needs a calling to be right there. hoping that somewhere her prayers will be answered. Lately she has been often gasping with the idea that if she is being short changed and her talents have been not recognised.

or perhaps is the current economic conditions that cause her to work double hard for the same rewards. its a call for survival. its a call for management and adaption. its a call for ethical behavior and tolerance level.

i love the challenges that i'm facing, but at times i got to stand tall and write the i as capital I....
It is time to Look Up.

This is my lil World.

Let this space show a different view of me from what one may see on facebook, friendster and outside etc etc. Let this be my crying hole, dead end and as always a sanctuary for me to pray.

I realise that in this lil red dot island, the real God is Government. Never ever go against it or else you will regret. I meant anyone who is superior to you. Your parents, teachers, bosses and of cos the government.

Another reason for this space is that no matter how much I try to smile or let them out there know I'm good, it has never been that better.

Can't help but I feel that I'm still in a sea paddling with an almost broken oar. It needs tremendous amount of efforts to reach the shore. Sometimes I feel that in the end reaching that island might be futile, knowing that there wouldn't be anyone by the time I reach it. Or perhaps my hands would be useless and gone for anything else. At times I feel like jumping off the ship and rather swim. Let go of the ambition and lead a simple life. A swimming pool life? Limited but safe. At least you are surrounded by people who can save you. In the name of conditional love.

This is my space and let me write what those smiles can't really say much. I just want to keep my family life back on track. So much wanting to show my involvement but I just give way in the name of sales, work and school. I don't know but after so much of struggle its still rock bottom.
Endless outflow of water.

I've heard of this somewhere and perhaps this is how my next 1 year should be.
I have a ship. I always wanted to paint and beautify it. But now my ship is in a crisis. I've got no time to paint it but to spend all my energy & focus on siphoning out the water before I sink together with it.

Teaching the Teachable

Recently I've met a friend of mine who used to be working in the same Company as I do.
She has a earned the reputation on her own for the last 4 years working in Pru. To me she obviously didn't possess the best of criterias & demographics. She's Indian, young, inexperienced, and very very small. Smaller than I am. Her achievements are beyond commensurable. She was the top sales yearly without fail. However her departure wasn't and never should happen to anyone of us... Which to me it was ugly and painful to what I can think of.

At one look I'll think that she is just born for this job. But is she? Not really. To her she is born to Teach. what she is for. Her passion. Somewhat to think of Teaching is the Noble job. Admist no matter how much money one reaps the joy of teaching can never be compensated. In a (my) world where results and monetary figures are highly credited, how would one be able to realise the sincere appreciations of their students.

At times I just feel like tearing within asking Y am I here? To earn, learn, yearn???
Probably it is to be taught of the world, eventually. Rewarding as well in the Materialistic manner.

In the end educating is the most rewarding career isn't it. Enlightening the young minds. At times like these aren't they still guranteed with the job and still have students flowing to them like never tomorrow. Perhaps I should and would one day...

Everything Happens for A Reason... & Life is indeed fair.

So we were all crushed, thrashed & washed off our integrity of selling investments, I would somehow have to thank the Lehmann's Brothers saga.

Lots of changes are happening around my world. The Bank that is.

I'm shifting back to North Bridge. To be precise shifting from the team I can't work with.

Hmm lost some inspiration to write, so lets me go in pointers whats happening in my life now.

• did some trading
• realised there's no such thing as making money only when the markets are good.
• made profits when the prices slump too
• my partnership with my banking partner improved and wanted to max out our best.
• but sadly she's shifting to the branch & my entire working model changes.
• I stick with the Loans manager now for referrals of Insurance cases & its gonna be a tough way to close deals.
• I'm gonna do a part time job which is fire & building related.
• My basic pay might increase too
• I'm going to be bored as there will only be guys in my team.
• I hope there be lesser roadshows
• Companies and industry shares are like in cheap cheap cheap sale.
• I realise its not that tough to get what I desire.
• I've been neglecting my family
• I've lesser time for social...
• Perhaps faster route to million$$$.
• What the hell,I'm still struggling
• I might have more time to study & workout.
• I have not been intimate for quite sometime... Just plain dating...
• I miss my 'irreconcilable' badly... but bet he doesn't anymore...
• All thanks to work & I hardly talk to him that much.
• Apart from that I've forgotten my Ex... Thanks to work too
• I miss making love too... Venus glory gone.
• I would like to take a break
• & perhaps go to Aust or Bali
• I still cry at times when my work goes way outta hand
• I feel there's isn't anyone by my side
• Yet I'm cool about it as I chose such
• I want to learn and play tennis

this GAME IS FREAKING DAMN FUN... I THROW THIS CHALENGE TO ALL THE MAN OUT THR

Bombay Taxi Help the frustrated and worn-out taxi driver (Pakya) maneuver his vehicle into cramped parking spaces.

Play free online games at Arcade Temple!

A Day of my life...

Monday-7am.

Wake up looking at the pressed clothes ready to wear.
However I'll not be eager to bath & wear them. I'll head straight to the kitchen for a cuppa.

Next looking at my big screen I'll tempted to turn it on & switch to channel 15. Previously automatic channels switched were channels 18 & 16. But my money and decisions dangle in the channel 15 & 25 (CNBC&Bloomberg). Immediately I start looking for clues that the economic is going with my favourable direction.

Good or bad-It shall be.

Next head for shower, get dressed up, fly off to work. Meeting is about to start in 5 min. & I'll be there on time with a lil mon morn run.

Meeting goes on for 2 hours.

After meeting lunch with the team. As usual we will start speaking about Boss's comments and topics.

Head to Office at Raffles. Over there I've a good peripheral view of the upcoming I.R & head down to Boat Quay for a quick booze before heading home.