Still can't accept her demise...

Being in this insurance line for about 1 - 2 years- mentioning death, illnesses, disability is so common that my sales presentation would sound odd if I not at all pronounce these.
Somewhere in Feb this year, a hard news came knocking on my world. A test to my profession that was just starting...

I might soon have to witness a painful passing away of my aunt. She has two young boys. Her illness is soon to be terminal. Her illiterate husband is clueless. I've something to do with her existing insurances as always. Thank God, financially she was saved.

When my mom told me this news, I couldn't fight back my tears in sleep. Her 2 young boys', aged 10&12 respectively, whose future was a big question mark.

Going back to work next day was like revisiting hell. I really couldn't focus. To worsen, we'd a training to let us know of an addition to the list of critical illness. Even there cancer has place as the no.1 devil.

To assure things would be fine, I went to visit her in the hospital. The sight of her tubed with fluid food and respiratory system, made me wished harder that it wasn't her. Watching her sound asleep while tears drew its trail on my cheek. Crying seemed as an act of cowardice &/or emotional, thus I'll quickly revert to my normal strong self. So I'll quickly make a move before her or my relatives would appear out of nowhere.

She was angry with us it seemed. She didn't wanted to see her hubby's (mom's bro) family. Nonetheless, I knew that she had nothing of hatred towards me. I still have lots of gifts from her. Like the T-Shirts she bought for me and handed down some as they were too small to fit her.

Yearly Deepavalis I'll taste her signature Basmati Rice Briyani. Sundays will be spent at her home savouring Peranakan & Malay style dishes. Sometimes she'll take orders and they'll be prepared without any hassle. All she would do is give me a ring & I'll be at her doorsteps within minutes. Her house is just a block away from mine.

I really miss her. Till now, I'm still unconciously telling ppl that I'm going to Athai's house, never to uncle or Pravin hse

We had many playful, light hearted conversations on what kind of man I should marry- Why I shouldn't marry late? How much she would want to see me married like others? Complaining on her sons and yet praising their school performances and many other personal conversations which she might not have shared with her family.

If there's a month to forget it'll be October 2008.
During then I could only recall the final toll of pain hitting her life. For that I pray that she'll never have a rebirth as human soul but to just rest in Peace.

The only thing I've always wished for during her funeral prayers is that "Give me the support and strength to help bring up your boys as you've always wished for"

Still can't believe you ain't here anymore...

Ideal Lovemaking is by grunting?

Weird news...

'LATEST: MAROON 5 frontman ADAM LEVINE has denied reports he claimed he ditched tennis ace MARIA SHARAPOVA because she was a "terrible lover" who refused to moan or move during sex. The pair dated briefly in 2005, after meeting at the Russian Wimbledon champion's 18th birthday party - but their romance soon fell cold. Levine was quoted in Russian magazine Exile as saying, "She wouldn't make any noise during sex... She just lay there like a dead frog. She even got angry if I started to moan, said it 'ruined her concentration'." However, Levine's spokesperson has dismissed the quotes as being "absolutely not true". '

http://www.contactmusic.com/news.nsf/article/levine%20denies%20criticising%20sharapovas%20lovemaking%20style_1041149

Me to Levine- She ain't any passionate with you boy... Too BaD...

Maria Fans might agree with me that her excessive grunting should just stay on court to distract her opponents. Or At least let him not get turned off hearing her aggressions...

Or Perhaps thats the reason why Levine dated her...

Maybe the lil demon in me wonders if noises do turn guys on? (if you wish to respond to this qns pls do so anonymously)

Btw... Where are all my readers?

Are you all busy or find it tad too much to digest the contents here?

My new tagboard awaiting you ppl...

bleah bleeah...

Wat the F...
Move on...
Stop complaining...

Save me

Past few days my face just can't show its true smile...

School is really killing. Progression is a must. Doing it so with a degree might accentuate my standing in career. But Nowadays I just cant show anymore enthusiasm towards school. Classes are to be held thrice a week. And in those days I'll have work roadshow. Thanks to the sickening economical crisis, roadshows are held day in day out.

headbreakin dilemma. I REALLY DON"T KNOW WHAT TO DO

If I were to go for roadshows, I've to skip school and vice versa.
Plus these roadshows aren't lucrative as before. People feel cash is king and hardly bother our products anymore. So money and figures are harder to come by than before...Since time is bad, partners expect us to help and stay focused...

Sales appointments crop up at its own time and wish. Definitly cant miss it as it means $$$.
Still aiming for the Summit Club.

School is only 9 modules left. I've to cram it so that I'm done with a basic degree at least.
The amusing part is in those 3 lessons per week share a stark contrast.
Lesson 1-Biz Communication (commerce subj)
Lesson 2-Statistics Maths(Maths)
Lesson 3-Typography(Arts)

with all 3 assignments each week.

Roadshows that start at 11 till 10pm... that are almost daily for us
I'm dying...WTF--NEver been so excuses...

Coming soon in new year---
I might just quit my job or school or country...

Feeling FCUKinG Irritated...

REALLLLLLYYYYYYYYYYY
FFFRRRRREAAAAKKKKKKKKKKKIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGGG
IRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTEEEEEDDDD.................................

$$Ka Ching$$

Shania Twain playing Devil's Advocate probably to the banks...

We live in a greedy little world-- That teaches every little boy and girl

To earn as much as they can possibly-- Then turn around and Spend it foolishly. Weve created us a credit card mess

We spend the money we dont possess.Our religion is to go and blow it all

So its shoppin every sunday at the mall

All we ever want is more A lot more than we had before

So take me to the nearest store [chorus:]




Can you hear it ring It makes you wanna sing
Its such a beautiful thing--ka-ching! Lots of diamond rings
The happiness it brings Youll live like a king
With lots of money and things

When youre broke go and get a loan Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford To go and spend some more when
You get bored

Lets swing Dig deeper in your pocket
Oh, yeah, ha Come on I know youve got it
Dig deeper in your wallet Oh

Hypnotized.....

In this intoxicated heart * This desire to fly * Where has this come from?* this confidence *
Oh my beloved *

These winds * Ties its knots, in fabrication * Remain in play, in here *
These droplets of rain, * Involved in this conspiracy* The whole universe *
All that constitutes in here, * The questions asked * Oh my beloved *

In conversation, my eyes As this * world pronounces * Its judgment, upon me *
On language of heart, * This love desires, and asks * Where is this storm? *
Carry me on these avenues * New this concept is, * The first promise Of union amongst us *
Carry on * I walking * In my toes, the fireAppears to me, *
Spent all my life in strangers * Belong I not here, take me *
To your deserts and mountains * This ignorant world In presence, *
the enemy * Oh my beloved! *

Nicer dance steps from 7:34 onwards

rather sell puffs if it goes on.

I was doing roadshow in some neighbourhood malls. Seems like if anyone sees a bank name, they do just see us as invicible.

Recently, we just cant bother selling cards that is low or rather no revenue to some of us.

However quite a distance from my booth, there is Old Chang Kee. Looking at the crowd there, wish I was selling puffs and make some old folks worry less of their retirement funds by securing them a job than to face questions like "What is happening to my money??"

Best still, in the past few days and in many other roadshows before we would patronise their shops for 3 meals a day... Generosity, Generosity from broke(n) souls

As always the grass on the other side is greener... so are the smiles and the cashbox

To dear NtY

Hi Nithya,

How have you been? Bad I suppose? Its been quite sometime I've seen you planning for your sales targets. Lately you have not been going to work with interest. Your presentation file has lost its intriguing image. Looks like your fund fact sheets are yet to be updated.
Don't tell me the economic crisis is putting an effect for you. Well hey aren't you the girl who disses off negativism about the market.

So what happened to your warm market networks? Do people still see you as passionate and agressive? I hope they do.

Oh look, I see some flabs of skin around your tummy. Don't tell me your abs are united? Thats why you shouldn't quit soccer. It keeps you fit and crazily youthful looking. Nonetheless, you look much matured with added weight...

I heard talks of marriage going on. Who, Vicky Rao??? Looks like you'll never learn your lesson. Move on dear. He ain't the one for you anymore. You know his style and approach in life, don't you. C'mon Vicky Rao can't satisfy you la. Move on ok...

Do update me of what's bothering you ok... Its time you to speak out and let yourself loose...

Love your (sub) conscience...

Heart Rages in Passion

There is one too many reasons why I fear passion in relationship.

True that when there is passion; Expectation follows or perhaps demanded.
And when that happens, how well I had fail to keep my thoughts and actions clear to the other party. Causing grievances to each other. Deep cuts in heart and wounds in mind.

This is where I rather make peace within all. Why fight and get emotional when the heart seeks happiness? Can't we just be in Peace.

Cant imagine how 2 (of us) people who'd went through against all odds now end up totally disgusted...
I've been cut again-2 years later...
-----------------------

Reminding the movie Prime...

If only i wasn't toying recklessly back then...

Move forward

To whom it may concern,

I tend not to hold too much grudges and just learn to move on.
Even if you hate me for such character, probably I'll still come back to you as friends. Much because due to the fact that tomorrow is not confirmed and not guranteed. Thus why hold grudges and hatred for too long.

It took me too long to change from that pessismistic me. Its now hard to be such again. I need to move on from people who keep ranting of their difficulties with others. When I provided you help and ideas to move forward, you seem to be reiterating on it again and again. Whats the point? Isn't it time to move away and be less available. You can but you couldn't and I didn't see it.

If you are one who share the same passion as I do, probably you will not bother much about things that has no hope. Not many I know do...

Perhaps if I were to interfere and hold you back you'll find me harsh. Thus I choose to ignore such calls.
Since young I have seen women losing much in the name of love and sympathy. I wonder if I want to end up in such area. I choose not to, thus I chidded you and many others away.

Lately there have been lotsa commotions. Worsening economic conditions has shown a toll in my earnings lately, apart from some unpromising clients who lapsed my cases. Previously a drought in roadshows made less revenue for me.

Old debts arise out of nowhere. Its time to settle as there is no such thing as free lunch.

School has started. Speak about timing and rest. I'm not aware of them anymore. Assignments will dread and not to mention-Exams.

Till the end of the year- I've in total 9 roadshows. No more weekends off. The irritating questions is will I be allowed to focus on Insurance products. That will be known in due time.

MY long time beau, whom I still keep faith, because we've been there for each other is showing signs of hopelessness(this word is cited from his mouth). No faith in future with us. So I've to move forward and not show any emotions towards it.

Lastly, in my family 2 young boys have lost their mother, my mom has lost her sister-in law and her brother has lost his partner. Too much emotions dwelling with them. But if I were to look into all the above mentioned matters emotionally, I'll drown. They need me much to help them. I will without seeking anything in return but just happines.

I've no choice but to ignore the sadness and move forward with solutions...

Read my astrology intepretations.

For now and always it has been my dearest solace. Full of positivism and light of hope.

-8 Libra/Scorpio
The combination of your Sun sign and your Moon sign denotes a nature that is independent of mind and action, thought and expression. You are both mentally quick and penetrating, with an absorbing curiosity. Thus, you are a ready student, precocious, and wanting to make rapid strides in the world. Your superb logic and analytical abilities are wrapped in a wave of emotionalism.

You have a detective approach to things. Sneaking up on a question, figuring out what it is you want to achieve, and pouncing on it with full force. This is not a vague and undecided Libra. There is spice in your nature, excess and extremes in your actions. You have a strong sense of justice, and you can fly off the handle when you feel you have been treated unfairly. On the surface you can seem docile and amiable, but underneath you'll fight at the drop of a hat.

You are a born idealist and rebel, a radical, always on the side of change, progress and novelty. You are an enthusiast in all matters, and have little time for people that pussy foot around and seem to lack conviction. Your interests are broad and sweeping...ideas, philosophies, the arts. So you're inclined more to the professions or the artistic, instead of a business career.

In times like this

Issues have been let loose. Feel like I'm struggling to get back to my form at work.
Current economic situation has been weakening the situ. In total 6 lapses from my insurance clients and still counting.

Meanwhile, Friends and family issues take a toll on me. Demanding and high expectation of friends are down too much to handle. At times I feel lighter without them, but that is never the case to be.

In times like this I miss my poly days so much. My motivated peers. We would always be moving forward with grades, medal achievements and thinking of the job we would hold in the future. I know that I have no right to compare. I need to still learn that angle.

Soccer was another avenue. Trainings, laughter and love mess kept me and others so much lighter. Yes money was lacking then, but not fun and love.

Now it has changed to a total different direction.