3. Dhanush, Aishwariya, Shruthi Hassan.

So the kolaveri song became a Mega Hit. It got the Japanese grooving to it in their nightspots. Even the Hindi speaking region got addicted to a Tamil item, after Dosas. Not to forget countless remixes,notably the milku number by Sonu Nigam's son. Lastly conquering the gold award in YouTube & even appearing in CNN.

Now the big next question is, did the movie catch up with its hype?
At one scene where Dhanush says to his dad, " this is life paa, not to be successful with one hit song". That dialogue would be well meant for Aishwariya Dhanush on her debutant movie.

So what brownie points did Moonu earn?
Songs. If there is one ultimate winner,
it is Anirudh. One can even say he was another cast, who is just invisible.

Being Aishwarya's cousin or Latha Rajnikanth's nephew, Anirudh had good experience in music all the while. His band Zinx has won the competition judged by his idol AR.Rahman. Obviously he was the competition's best instrumentalist.

But the flaws? Wonder why does Dhanush when cast in movies directed by his relatives, plays mostly a psychotic character? In case you had forgotten, it is Kadhal Kondein, Mayakkam Enna and 3. Could it be, they have seen his frenzy character and placing him in such roles would earn them the dough?

First and foremost, this movie isn't a love story. It's not a love failure like what the Kolaveri song or the trailers tease us with.

It's all about internal failure. Failing to communicate and accepting reality. What I can't accept is that these 2 great lovers who been together for 10 years, wasn't enough for Janani to see Ram's health condition?

Secondly, too much wailing from Janani. She faints, over react & getting overtly sensitive. For sure that didn't earn her much admirers.

Lest not forget the supporting cast Senthil. For he played a much better wife role. He bore Dhanush's hot and cold moods, the cold blood beatings & staying by his side for recovery like a Good Partner.

Thirdly I would like to finish this movie review with a message it was trying to deliver. Failing to communicate with your partner fearing for negative impacts is as good as not trusting him/her. Fearing for being negatively treated by your partner should only be a concern for those who has just starting to date. Not for some 10 years odd lovers.

To sidetrack little, in today's society most couples tend to break up when their relationship is on rocks, unlike our parents that fixes. Likewise Ram character opted suicide than to be cured medically.

Lastly, in any suicide case, the loved ones suffer eternally & not the suicidee. If you need a remedy to overcome 3 ending, watch Mayakkam Enna. Not all disorder needs death as medication.

Why do I hate the Tula Raasi- the natives of Chitrai, Swathi & Visagam

They make my life miserable.

These Libran moons. They swoon for others attention. They will act tough, mean & baddies but they flick like a TNT laden car in explosive situations.

Hardly practical, slow movers, egoistic, easy to please & easy to disturb.

One demanded my attention & when that person got it, that person fly away.

The other supposedly not to contact me. But still keeping in touch like nothing has happened.

They leave with hatred & come back like shamelessly.

Highly moody mom who can't handle her stress. Often sharing her problem in futile cos when she shares she only speak & refuse to listen to their solutions.

Dad so egoistic & often bothered less. His own world; freedom, appetite, friends, mattered than anything else. Sometimes he will never get what he's
Missing.

Some few arse holes spoke like their hard macho flirts. But when the gal challenged him with indifference & nonchalance they flew away citing incompatibility like some chaste sons.

Then this nincompoop thinks he's handsome & rich, end up losing more
Money in some court cases. (refer to Nothing should be guaranteed)

Not every1 is bad: they work hard, they last long & make popular centre of attention ESP in family matters. But who cares when this "star of relations" can't handle their lovely other halves.

Listening, understanding and judgment.

A salesperson asks questions to unearth opportunities. He identifies what this individual/organization lacks in terms of services or products so that the salesperson can provide their prospects some money worthy solution and gather their trust. Sometimes their experiences in previous sales could give an advantage in proving their sales pitch.

Therefore it is by asking questions, which leads to information gathering, which then allow us to provide a solution and eventually trusting relationships.

Doctors- ask questions or rather examine their patients, refer to their previous case studies to diagnose proper.

Lawyers refer to their past cases. Understand the psychology of plaintiffs and defendants, later assess the situation and even manipulate to win his client cases.

Who doesn’t judge? Who doesn’t ask questions to help other? Who doesn’t analyze to solve problems?

As a person who has begun to start dating, trust me, there is no escape from the bull shit of judging the opposite person. There is no escape from that act. I rather found it to be very hard but no choice.

When we listen to couples stories, relate to our own mistakes in past relationship; remember our parent’s ways of handling their own relationships etc lead us to lots of pre-determined judgments.

Ever since I’ve been a sales person, where most of my experiences lie in direct selling, I lost count on stories that I’ve heard and even seen. When we meet someone new, chances are they will not disclose us lots of their secrets. Sometimes we ask questions, sometimes we let them speak.
However, to play it safe on whether to fully trust the person on the other side, we let go of our guards by being open. Which in turns lead us to listen to their fantasies, thoughts, mistakes and desires? This pretty much gives us an idea of who they are and what makes them.

Nowadays whenever I get to know a person, I’m no angel that I do judge a person. Often negatively. Sometimes I do that on purpose because it is some kinda thrill and a point of relief when the person I’m getting to know proofs me wrong of my own judgments. I like surprises and the pleasant ones like these could lead even put me in peace.

However, even my subconscious mantra of not to judge a book by often faces its own challenges. I just can’t help but to ‘kill’ some of them off. It is about who I want to spend the rest of my life with and who wouldn’t wanna make clearest choices. தவளை தன் வாயால் கெடும். Some I met just speak to their own death. Some were impressive however again faults could be on my side. As usual no regrets cos I’m a very confident girl who loves the single hood. (sometimes I’ve to stop hating being single).

And now I clearly know one thing right. It is like studying in a university with no clarity. Not sure how many modules left, when will one graduate, who is the “teacher” but am just enjoying the journey of education. I’ve made lotsa mistakes, hurt people unknowingly and have spoken venomous words.
Let this be a space where I can just forget and forgive whoever has crossed into my path. Cheers….

Love is a Sweet Venom

You know what is the most saddest thing in any positive relationship.

When two people who mean good to each other become enemies over any incident, regardless how trivial or serious, and just cant see each other eye to eye anymore.

best of friends/ lovers/ siblings/ neighbours/ partner(business). you can have many roles to this "best of" relationships. but when all falls apart and that name could easily tumble into the "Worst of enemies". Just one of its kind.

I believe that it takes the same amount of energy for Good and Evil to exist . The difference is their outputs; One eventually flourishes through pain and the other detoriate through ill pleasures. Obviously everyone in their right frame of mind wishes for the best. So why be so egoistic and lose own self?

Nothing is/(shouldnt be) guaranteed.

Tanya thought she had it enough. The year 2010 was harsh enough which taught her lessons where many wished they never faced. Several months ago, to put the year to a safe end, she found herself having to plough through ideas on relieving herself from temporary mishaps.

Having a secretive nature who isn't too keen on sharing her problems, Tanya sought ideas on her own and somehow managed to settle things amicably and discreetly. Today though she still have tonnes of problem left on her table but she would proudly say that she is on the verge Of accomplishment.

Now enter the new year, something is brewing beyond her control.

Her brother Tom is in trouble. A settlement long overdue. Tom is a young boy with suave built. Like many boys of his age he brims with Desires of driving let alone owning a cool 4Wd sports car. He was very thankful when he got to know Tanya's SNAG friend Lenny. Lenny had a cool-lad-wanna-be image of every young NS men. All Thanks to his shining black Drifting Machine(Car).

Three years back Lenny subconsciously became an inspiration to complete her driving license and to hit on the roads. Tanya till date recalls how excited Lenny was when she accompanied him to the Subaru showroom to book his dream machine. He would keep talking about his new car, the features and its performance on the road.

He was indeed the perfect guy where many girls wished to be dated by him but not for Tanya. She has her own ideals of who she wants to be seen with. Only Tanya knows Lenny's background. He was already a divorcee before his 30s, charged with Police Protection order by his nuisance girl friend and is staying away from his estranged parents. His girl friend is so annoying that Tanya was framed by her for an umpteenth times for stealing her Golden Lenny from her and yet this erratic woman would call Tanya asking for forgiveness and then proceed to bitch about Lenny for hours.

On a Saturday early morning, Tanya recieved a call from Lenny's colleague Alan. She found it strange why would his friend call her. Instantly she came to realise that Lenny is in remand for shoplifting and needs her help to get him bailed out. Alan drove Lenny's car and picked her up to the Cantonment HQ.
Without any hesitation she bailed him out. Without any doubts Lenny's infatuation for Tanya grew deeper. .

Moments later, over a coffee, he started citing the whole incident. He was caught for suspected shoplifting in the island famed 24 hours Shopping Mall. Apparently the security guard has reported him to police for stealing some razor blades. However according to Lenny he was mistaken. He brought along a sample of blades with him so that he could get the identical one over the shelf and was mistaken for stealing them. Tanya found this to be ridiculous as she knows Lenny can simply afford an item that is worth just a couple of dollars.

None of this police case nor the legal issues were made known to Lenny's girl friend or his family. Tanya gave her word to keep it hush hush and even recommended her lawyer friend to prove him innocent. Within months his name was cleared and the guard was harshly warned for putting a civil servant in distraught.

Over days with his growing 'gratitude cum love' towards Tanya, Lenny gradually kept less contact with his girl friend. This time that bitch really got onto Tanya's nerves. With little threshold left Tanya desperately called them both to get out of this so called Triangle mess. However, Lenny feeling guilty he would ask Tanya out to make up for all the mess he has put her through. Learning his sincerity towards the friendship, Tanya introduced her family and her brother Tom to him. Over several meetings he was impressed when he learnt that Tom has become his number one fan of his car. This was her chance to slip out. She soon faded while Tom and Lenny became good friends.

Now a year later all this friendship is crumbling to pieces...
Coming soon...

For the entire year of 2009, Lenny had major damaging reconstructive improvements in his life. His divorce was settled. Tanya had unspoken sympathy for his ex wife. She is a Gujerati just like Lenny however born and raised in India. When Lenny was 21, and got splitted from his girlfriend from a serious relationship, his parents quickly match made him to this young sweet lady from a wealthy family in India . She had the material comfort and he's a Singaporean SAF Regular. What more can these typical Indians ask from him. Tanya has once heard how Lenny mom speak. It is no surprise for that this materialistic & crude woman to get her guilible son to marry her for dowries. Indeed Lenny would shamelessly say that he has acquired properties and land through her. But deep inside he wasn't interested at this marriage. That event was a rebound, a rebound which he badly needed. Unfortunately at the expense of an innocent desi gal.

ஊடல் உணர்தல் புணர்தல் இவைகாமம் கூடியார் பெற்ற பயன்.
Love Quarrel reconciliation and intercourse- these are the advantages of those who unite for lust.

Then soon after the divorce, his next plan was to ditch his girl friend Pris. Pris was just a lust object or so she claims to Tanya. Lenny on the other end would always mention he has had enough. He so call loves her so much that he don't wish to hurt her anymore. Sometimes Tanya role gets complicated. She had to listen to both parties and their stories of backstabbing each other and offer empathy to these sore loser lovers.

During occassional dinners Tanya would be unwllingly updated by Lenny of his plans. She thought Lenny is a dumb fellow to believe her so much and blurt out his executed and next moves with so much pride, as if he's found a cure for AIDS. Somehow he managed to dump Pris. After all the fiasco and drama filled relationship got to an end. Tanya will bet with a million dollars that if these 2 have gotten married it would just be for lust and nothing else.

So Lenny is single, Tanya isn't interested in him and he's bored. This was where Tom and his group of young boys and girls were introduced to Lenny. Tom would bring out his group of friends and they would often hang out for late suppers, LIM CHU KANG Drives and many others. Their friendship got better when Tom's girl friend's friend has gotten interested with Lenny who soon became a couple.

Tanya has learnt of their friendship and cautioned her brother not to trust Lenny too much. Afterall this guy didn't had much of friends and has a faltered character. He was oblivious to his sister. All because Lenny has given her brother the luxury of driving his car. Even better or for worse, Lenny has to be away for a month in Australia for training. Need no guess, for who now owns his car? TOM...

Tanya soon learnt of this and asked Lenny if he was sure of what he is doing. This is risky shit as Tom is just 4 months old with his class 3. She even called and asked him if he knew what he was doing before he stepped into his flight. Lenny said 'its ok, i've seen him driving the car and he'll do well'. She replied 'Oh well Lenny if you say so I'm ok. Have a good trip till then'

Coming soon...
Tom's irritating behaviour with the car under his possession

It was jolly time for Tom. His newly acquired temporary sports machine has elated his spirits of a man striking a million dollar lottery. He was offering rides to his friends. His body language spoke that this car is now his. She repeatedly told Tom “He trusts you with his precious car, please be responsible and take good care of it”

“Well done, Tom. I can see that you wash the car regularly”, praised Tanya. Tom was indeed like a good father taking care of his newborn son. Without fail he’ll keep the car in its pristine condition. For preventive measures he even tightened the bumper which was vulnerable to scratches when driving on humps and upward gradient slopes.

Then came the not so fine day or rather say a wet evening. Like a bollywood movie interval scene where one sees a turning point of the movie, Tom had his worst incident of his life. He banged the black machine into the rear of a Gold shaded Mitsubishi Lancer Ex. The unfortunate incident took place at AYE.. It was apparently raining and while driving at first lane Tom didn't see the stationary car and didn’t manage to stop in time.
Obviously he failed to observe the 2 seconds rule and obviously he is liable for the hefty damage costs of both cars.

In a shaken voice he called his only beloved sister explained the situation. Tanya without any hesitation asked him to call the tow trucks and get the car to a repair workshop. When calmed and settled he also called Lenny in Australia to explain the entire situation. Lenny aware of Tom’s financial capacity has acknowledged for insurance claims rather than solving through a private settlement.

The bill came up to a whopping $14,000 for both vehicles. Tanya is too distraught with Tom’s liability. He is barely 23 and already has a debt not worth incurring. She promised Tom that no one in the family would come to know of this. Thereafter when he collected the car she advised him to bear the escalated Lenny’s escalated insurance premiums. He agreed and when Lenny came back, he didn’t waste any time in getting an IOU letter stating the agreement of Tom to settle the increased insurance premiums in a monthly mode. This settlement shall cease once Lenny’s car insurance has gotten back “no claim bonus” and premiums are back to the standard rate.

This agreement was a tricky one. What happens if Lenny got into an accident? If he makes an insurance claim for his damages, how would he re calculate the costs of his excess premiums? Therefore what would be Tom’s share of the premiums with regards to his settlement? This was too complicated and Tanya wasn’t too keen to get involved. She feels that Tom is a grown up and he has to be responsible for all his actions. Being an independent person she would expect being a burden when it comes to money matters and vice versa. But who lives in this country without leverages and debt free…

Tom was continuously paying without fail for 4 months and on the 5th month he had no job and had to survive on meager salary from his part time newspaper delivery job. He has to manage his own bike expenses and pay up his school fees. He was struggling and wasn’t keen on borrowing money. This default payment has reasonably angered Lenny. Thus Tom tried to at least pay $80 instead of $200+. He was putting an effort. An inadequate effort not accepted by Lenny.

scorpio moon

Sometimes things happen for a reason and you cant help but to brood with regrets and lonliness. In order to move on I did some research on myself and I like the intepretation of my characteristic. You know its not fun being myself. But the least I can do is have subtleness in my actions reduce the spice...

So bring on the right lover...

Faint heart never won a Scorpio female. It takes a man who knows exactly what he wants to hold his ground against a woman born under this sign.

Scorpio woman is very emotional, very affectionate, and very demanding. She is not interested in a light flirtation or a bed for the night. Neither does she believe in sharing. Any man who thinks it isn’t necessary to sign a treaty just because he’s having an affair would do well to avoid getting involved with a Scorpio female. She believes in treaties with irrevocable clauses and lots of fine print spelling out just what you can’t do.

How does she get away with being so possessive and jealous? Because she is a marvlous, fascinating, irresistable woman– exciting in the bedroom, entertaining in the living room. She carries with her an enticing air of mystery. She can drive a man to the brink of despair and with a gesture summon him back to the heights of happiness.

There is no in-between with this explosive female. With any other woman of the zodiac, you can work out some sort of compromise about who has rights and who has suffered wrongs. Not with her. You have to knuckle under and make the best of your bargain, or settle for living in the middle of a permanent earthquake.

Love is very important to her, and she can turn on enough magnetism to attract any man. If a man is really special, she is willing to play the role of aggressor. Her dynamo starts to whir as soon as her remarkable intuitions tell her that this man is someone she’ll be happy with. Her intuitions are rarely wrong. She is gifted with the ability to penetrate into hidden secrets of human nature.
Scorpio is a water sign, and like all the water signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces) this woman is very susceptible to the feelings of others. Her most intense desire is for a close, committed union. In a relationship she cannot bear coldness or casualness or a feeling that she is being shunted aside. When she is in love she is at her most vulnerable, for then a lover can hurt her without even knowing it. Another woman might forgive and forget, but when a Scorpio woman is hurt she will always strike back. If necessary, she will destroy.

However, despite what you’ve heard about Scorpio’s willful, passionate nature, she is a faithful mate to the man she chooses for her own. Hers is a fixed sign, and she possesses an enduring capacity for loyalty. A man could not have a fiercer ally. If a Scorpio woman loves you, she will defend and protect you with her dying breath. What she demands is constancy–what she offers is fidelity. She is possessive, but most men with a Scorpio woman in their lives will tell you they want nothing more than to be possessed by her.

is it my mistake if
I can see through your stupid take.
Smell your ulterior motive
without any utterance.
wreck ya guts in your loins.
Expose your weakness.
If I find myself to be strong
You try to prove I'm wrong.
Don't challenge me too deep.
just don't push yourself too hard.
You appear like a fool.

pupppyyy

I wanna a Puppy. Keep him close to me while I sleep. Feed him while I stroke him gently. Climb up to me whenever he sees at the end a tiring day from work. Command him to my presence if only he's up to naught. & attract lotsa love from my lil nieces & nephews.

Sometimes I wonder why people like small and cute living beings. Just "to pour out unconditional love". No expectations on either side, no demands, just cuddles & exchange of simple words & rubs from each other. Only cos they can't speak.

I just would like one. Someone to look out for when you come back home. Just need an urgent arrangement for a partner who loves dogs as one of his kid.

Just can't explain the excitement. But can I maintain him? Gd Qns.!

I've a craving for that familiar feeling. Perhaps I shouldn't rant about this anymore. It will only portray the impression that I'm not moving on. But for once allow me to just have pieces of memories strewn away here.- The feelings which are becoming stranger and stranger as the eternal interchanges of nights to day.

People change. I've changed too. Like my innocence, materialistic hunger, exposure, inability to trust anyone & so on and on. With the exception of my stubborn nature.

As we all evolve, during the growing phase of my life I have found simple joy. It came from serving others needs without ridiculous expectations. Perhaps one of the best moments of my life when I observed the above mentioned in a lil Italian Cafe in Science Park.

I was a bumper back then. No Joke! I barely knew what I should go for in life. So I did waiteressing. I was working or rather enjoying myself in this Science Park Anthonio's Cafe. But it wasnt that bad an option as what my mom thought to be. In fact she didn't knew I was did coffee making. Making espressos whose cost price is only 50cents and selling them at $3.00. Not bad eh. Stacking Muffins, pies and sandwiches personally supplied from the bakery.

I was mostly engaged in physical than mental activities. Stacking 10 odd alfresco tables with 30 wooden straw chairs together. Sometimes I would accidentally disrupt the lil rodents and blackened lizards to jump off from their sleep.

Temperature was horrendous. Its an outdoor cafe, exposed to the rain, humidity and shine. The perspiration sticks, face gets oily and dark blotches of sweat stamped in the underarm part of the Marooned Polo T. Somehow I wonder why I didnt complain like I do now. Perhaps call it Vanity.

So What kept me going then?

The aroma of the espresso brewing. Any anti-coffee freaks would risk betting their last dollar to loving it. The music of the coffee beans grinding. Which means fresher coffee and sales are picking up. Stainless Steel Coffee spoons stirred like the shape '8' by demure office ladies. Only to know they are enjoying their cuppa along with our out loud Radio screaming Class 95. Me preparing pastas to their Al Dente. The origniation for my Pasta Addiction.

Then how about ogling at tight bodied expats esp the Europeans.
Well I'm not ashamed about my undying fascination for the Europeans than the Americans. They just seem to appreciate the Espresso and know how to enjoy their lunch & still manage to look LEAN & MEAN.

Have I mentioned the Lunch Time Crowd? A meal easily could cost about $5.20. Wasn't it pretty high in 2001? There are some who would still visit us daily twice which calculates to my 2 hour pay? I would wonder that if these people are really rich or the food we served was great? I prefer the latter though. :P Well now that is what I would spend just for my BreakFast. Damn Inflation.

By 4pm, I'll be released off to go home. But it would be pretty damn early to knock off home. So I'll hitch a Bus ride to Paya Lebar to see my boyfriend. Who was then a Temporary Pallet stacker for SingPost. (Sadly we're no longer together since last year). He was such a simple and less complicated guy. We were so thrilled to meet each other. No expectations, no commitments! No Tensi0ns. Only a bike with petrol from the rider and the Pillion both fists latched from back without any say. & Love in the name of Fuel to keep both the Vehicle and Us going. Gosh. It didnt matter if we stink with our work sweat. Just ride to explore. Just Damn fucking good Jolly Ride. Seeking different woody spots in Singapore. Gosh, this was what I meant as Puppy Love perhaps. How does it feel like to be in such again?

Going back home was another challenge. Tough to let each other go. & Soon when we reach home- the handphone conversation began. Back then only Starhub had free incoming. I wonder if I could have survived without that Telco.
Now with a decent job to die for- a Far Cry since 2000, comfortable lives, Gd enough to afford a Cuppa daily & he's gone.
I'm so unfamiliar to those moments. Where am I? What am I to do to supress those yearnings...

Best Regards
Nithya L Krishnan
Financial Services Consultant
Maybank @ Tampines
Partnerships Distribution

Begone jane, Become Lady Susan

Dear Jane A,

I, Lady Susan, my dreams are coming true.
wishes that I penned in my lil notebook lettered to God is getting materialised.
All in a surprise from someone I didn't expect to be.

Becoming jane or becoming you is becoming serious.
As I aspire to be the wonder woman, but would my average joe succumb to support me?
This time, Jane, decided to allow someone serious to be involved in my life.

becoming jane or becoming you means getting life moving forward, yet letting off the hard hold but swaying according to the wind direction.
You, Jane, finally decided to marry the "Rich" Noble Man & be humble good wife. How tough is that?
Lest it seems that your ambitions might be distorted or comes along in a harder rough road.

Jane, I feel that I can still have that "Austen legend" in me as long my emotions don't get the better of me.

It should be the perserverence & manipulation convincing power that gets me going.

With love,
Becoming of Lady Susan V. from Jane A.
NTY

you know wat.

Are you there forever?

You are one big confusing man...
When I ignored you before, you'll came begging for my attention every night-
To meet you at a corner for some carcinogen sticks.

My eyes were stuck to the diluted white fumes and you watched through my eyes fishing for signals of attachment.
Praying that I'll still have the same old crush towards you.
But I crushed your hopes when I voiced out my dates and beaus.

You stroked my skin, without any reciprocation on my side
And would shamelessly tell that me you are still attracted to me more than any other women.
I most probably ignored your words & arrogantly told you that my Mars is in Scorpio and probably its natives are highly attractive among opposite sex.
You questioned it to be a Curse or Boon?

Love or seduction?

You diligently put up with my stuck-up attitude and carry on caressing me.
If I were to cry a lil pain you’d instantly massage me.

But now…. When I run back to you the same way as you did, you are so…
Karmic enough, I’m carrying your curse.

Please say that you’re still the same…
I can’t accept you to be indifferent….
Look into me and say Please Leave Me…
I will discard the years from us.




Great lovers never got Married

Still can't accept her demise...

Being in this insurance line for about 1 - 2 years- mentioning death, illnesses, disability is so common that my sales presentation would sound odd if I not at all pronounce these.
Somewhere in Feb this year, a hard news came knocking on my world. A test to my profession that was just starting...

I might soon have to witness a painful passing away of my aunt. She has two young boys. Her illness is soon to be terminal. Her illiterate husband is clueless. I've something to do with her existing insurances as always. Thank God, financially she was saved.

When my mom told me this news, I couldn't fight back my tears in sleep. Her 2 young boys', aged 10&12 respectively, whose future was a big question mark.

Going back to work next day was like revisiting hell. I really couldn't focus. To worsen, we'd a training to let us know of an addition to the list of critical illness. Even there cancer has place as the no.1 devil.

To assure things would be fine, I went to visit her in the hospital. The sight of her tubed with fluid food and respiratory system, made me wished harder that it wasn't her. Watching her sound asleep while tears drew its trail on my cheek. Crying seemed as an act of cowardice &/or emotional, thus I'll quickly revert to my normal strong self. So I'll quickly make a move before her or my relatives would appear out of nowhere.

She was angry with us it seemed. She didn't wanted to see her hubby's (mom's bro) family. Nonetheless, I knew that she had nothing of hatred towards me. I still have lots of gifts from her. Like the T-Shirts she bought for me and handed down some as they were too small to fit her.

Yearly Deepavalis I'll taste her signature Basmati Rice Briyani. Sundays will be spent at her home savouring Peranakan & Malay style dishes. Sometimes she'll take orders and they'll be prepared without any hassle. All she would do is give me a ring & I'll be at her doorsteps within minutes. Her house is just a block away from mine.

I really miss her. Till now, I'm still unconciously telling ppl that I'm going to Athai's house, never to uncle or Pravin hse

We had many playful, light hearted conversations on what kind of man I should marry- Why I shouldn't marry late? How much she would want to see me married like others? Complaining on her sons and yet praising their school performances and many other personal conversations which she might not have shared with her family.

If there's a month to forget it'll be October 2008.
During then I could only recall the final toll of pain hitting her life. For that I pray that she'll never have a rebirth as human soul but to just rest in Peace.

The only thing I've always wished for during her funeral prayers is that "Give me the support and strength to help bring up your boys as you've always wished for"

Still can't believe you ain't here anymore...

Am I doing the right thing.

going for something that i know will never exist.
letting go of something that will never go away.

having a final go for a simple yet trivial reason.

not going too deep to know what it has deep within.
Being shallow on outside attraction and not the reality.

No I am not. But I'm used to it. Searching for the perfection and killing myself all within.