The Romance Burner - the unwanted burner.

They say life is sustained by four burners whose flames represent - health, career, family, and in my case, a child-like, mindless romance. I often wonder why romance flame keeps demanding attention when the others ask quietly for discipline. Perhaps it is because I still live here-  Venus-ruled inner landscape, where connection, beauty, and longing speak louder than logic. Romance feels less like a choice and more like gravity. Even when I know the cost, my mind still asks, why not.

I did not expect an unrequited unspoken feeling to carry this much weight. I imagined distance, silence, maybe disappointment. What I did not foresee was the emotional complexity, the ethical knots, the invisible consequences that followed every word and pause. Over time, I learned that even the most intensely pursued romance does not guarantee meaning.

And yet, the mind still pines for that unrequited shemesh. Reading back, I see patterns I did not recognise then: care dressed as concern, curiosity stretching into attachment, pauses that carried more than words. Nothing explicit, yet everything implied. The longing was not loud, but persistent, sustained by moments that felt unfinished. I still see the past me in the present you.

To overcome these, the last three years unfolded like a slow whirlwind. There were mishaps with Radhey Radhey Krishna, whose demands for a perfect relationship and shallow, impractical romance drained more than they gave. You gave me joy and safety, but your flame turned out to be a torch light.

Another burnr was a big misstep with a "philosopher" whose PhD in mystical marriage and detachment and psyche strengthening turned out to be Mystical Muses. Someone whom I thought I could trust, only to be met with insecurities and disillusionment. Another flame with full of soot with no heat as promised.

Somewhere between growth and confusion, romance became a mirror that turned me inside out.

Perhaps, I mistook shemesh for ripeness, but it was closer to a sour grape- bright, tempting, and not meant to be consumed. 

What unsettles me is not the absence of outcome, but the clarity that followed. I now see how unnecessary romance, especially when incomplete, can destabilise more than it nourishes. How desire, when unexamined, borrows time and energy from the other burners without asking permission.

And yet, I write this without bitterness. Longing taught me restraint. Loss taught me discernment. The pining remains, waiting for its natural death. It sits quietly now, reminding me that romance is powerful, not because it fulfils us, but because it reveals where we are still learning to choose wisely. 

Today I remember to not mix Pleasure for ROMANCE. I now see that my Romance is as powerful as a whirlpool born of the Divine Feminine, whose own power I keep underestimating... 

Formulae and motivation

Happy with where I am. Following formulae set in daily task.

A team that's Supportive and act as a  good back up to each other.  

Perhaps with these support and predictability are the reasons why I feel motivated. 

But honestly am I satisfied? No. 

There are days where aspirations overwhelmed. So much dedication all my speech and Listeners would assume I own the business. 

It is in the line of business that I really want to succeed. That's where the real challenge, independence lies. But I didn't. 

The void still hurts. 

Any wisdom and luck waiting for me. 

Some amazing findings

I'm going to be judgmental of past 6 weeks. 

Some people are those whom you don't want to be like. Avoiding them like a plague and speak none of them. 

But there are some you want to be like and they deserve somewhat little posts of them. 

He speaks precisely. Very succinct and firm without sounding that rude. He's somewhat able to convince the keen listener smoothly. I hope this traits of his likable among his authorities cos he's driven to the point. Or when it doesn't hope his scarf helps to wipes his sweat. 

She looks sweet, focused but probably has too much of sadness behind her mole chiseled face. Wonder how one knows what each and every of their staff does. Prob that's why she's always occupied with her tab. So far I think I tidak (no in Malay) chance to work with her. Maybe only opportunities to listen during crisis. 

I thought she don't like us. Or maybe she's putting up different persona cos the wave is now on us. But am in awe when she listens to us. So happy when I feel appreciated much. Could only wish my silent prayer is granted but by then the black star would rise somewhere else. She reminds of my previous manager Eve. Mind reader, analytical and quietly alluring. 

No he's not the handsome statue. He is the superman of his own product. So motivated, always on form and people want their thoughts acknowledged by him. One stays much learned with him. In every meal session you will learn something. Gossiping only on the right note has never been differently good. My role model at work. If only I had a sales manager like you...

By the way I Secretly yearn to convince him of my Ideas on why this work and does not work. Hope he doesn't DROP these ideas like Hot Potato. Thanks for your encouragement and persisting me to have lunches with you than the lunch buddy girls. 

Not so little but little woman... I worked the most with you so you deserve a bigger slot here. 

So much is learnt from you. But unfortunately I got mostly B's in where you trained me. 

Love the way you keep mails worded short and succinct. When my frontal lobe style thinking goes otherwise you will come with solutions on how to get the communication better. If I create ideas you probably give life to them by communicating. 

Think, we can as a duo be a good working pair. Sorry I don't have other common topics like fashion and food. But I took an oath of simplicity and be plain Jane. 

Pls stay firm and not get your emotions waver. Difficult for me to trust someone who (unwillingly at times) change tracks. 

Ok ok... I accept that not all are like me in choosing black or white. You choose pinks and other subtle shades of Crimson. 

With these....

A vrai dire peu de paroles

Staying Lean

Finally able to achieve mini targets of my own. Thanks to the superbly bilingual French people giving good Lean sessions. 

Sadly lean doesn't work for all people. Not for those making decisions via frontal lobe... 

Some see some don't see it. I choose to quietly see it and achieve it. 

Restless. In need of tired body and happy mind to whip up these.

Feeling like cooking a feast

Dhokla

http://youtu.be/tDpNu0be2Nc

Mushroom 65 sticky gravy

http://youtu.be/0JC65ovFy-8

Tandoori prawns- My own style. 

Chicken 65 fried

http://youtu.be/3s1s_AOOoH8

Chendol- my own style 

Chapchoi Chinese - my own style

Chilli crab- prima taste style 

Samosa

http://youtu.be/SrUp88J6DEs

Tamarind sauce

http://www.ticklingpalates.com/2013/05/date-tamarind-chutney-recipe-sweet.html?m=1

Being 20 in 30s

12 Money Concepts You Should Master Before Turning 30


Turning 30 is a big milestone in your life. You're making your goodbyes to young adulthood and slowly coming into your own. With age comes great responsibilities, and at the top of your list should be taking charge of your money.

Oh, come on, that's no fun, you might think. However, even though personal finance can be a dry topic, it's undeniable that our finances play a huge role in our lives — money is always one of the top stressors, and it causes the biggest discord among couples.
To help you get on track, here's what you ideally should have achieved by age 30. Of course, these goals aren't for everyone and may not be feasible for many, so try to keep them in mind as general guidelines.

1. You should already have an emergency fund. Experts generally recommend six months' worth of living expenses, but some say a year's worth is a better buffer to account for things like medical emergencies or unemployment.
2. You should be anticipating, preparing, and saving up for big expenditures. For example, you should factor in your wedding, a house, children, a pet, and other similar major expenses. By planning for these events, you'll be adjusting your lifestyle to afford your future expenses and avoid going into debt for these items. You may want to budget a realistic amount so you don't have to go into debt. Another thought is to forgo some of these expenses — really question if it's a necessity.
3. You should have mastered the art of automating. Sending a chunk of your cash automatically to your savings every month means you're paying yourself first.
4. You should know how to live within your means but enjoy life at the same time. You should be able to prioritize what's worth spending on and save in other areas so you can enjoy your guilty pleasures. Even if it's daily lattes, you should indulge yourself as long as you're aggressively cutting costs on other items. Remember, what other people skimp on may not be what you would want to give up.
5. You should be maxing out (or, at the very least, meeting your employer's match for) your 401k.
6. You should be investing in a Roth IRA.
7. You should have prepared a will.
8. You should be paying off and prioritizing your high-interest debt.
9. During your 20s, you should be trying to raise your credit score.
10. You should already have some practice with negotiation — with salary, with service providers, and more. 
11. Fidelity recommends having a retirement fund that's equivalent to your annual salary by age 35. At age 30, you should be on track for that.
12. You should already have read a couple of personal finance books. To start with, check out Your Money or Your Life ($12) and Total Money Makeover ($18).

Workout Tips

Done...