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The more I analyse, the more I lose them...

Why why why...

Was so dedicated in what I was doing. But this is my kismet. 

So much of Fault Within Yet With Awareness

I will not pretend I was flawless.
I spoke too sharply,  sometimes let pride guard my wounds instead of healing them. trusted envious snakes easily thinking they have shed their skin for the 1000th time  silly stupid me  

I refused to listen to my own inner voice. In the middle of conflict, I forgot that strength is not in winning arguments, but in mastering oneself. The truth is simple: I am princess of blunder.

Yet mistakes are not the end of a story. They are lessons. They teach me to detach like a queen — to release the grip, to let both hands off the handle when the battle is no longer worth holding. To stand up, own the damage, and transform the same fire that once burned others into the discipline that builds something better.

Yes, I Remember - I showed security with reliability and detachment. I didn't stayed on to the past too long but moved on with awareness on Present and Hopeful with Faith.

Quietly. Steadily. I rise again. Wiser, steadier, and far more dangerous to my old weaknesses. Then I remembered even this act of detachment leads to envy of others… esp those power hungry and insecure ones.

Because at my core, I am built differently. I have always been a born idealist and a rebel, naturally drawn to change, progress, and new ways of thinking. But outwardly I portray as logical. 

Enthusiasm drives me, it drrives toward ideas, philosophies, the arts, and the deeper questions of life. My interests are broad and sweeping, and I have little patience for people who vacillate, hesitate endlessly or lack conviction.

From the age of 18 onwards, I sought little/almost no support from places where there was no respect or opportunity for progression. My parents could not nourish my intellectual growth, nor support my ambitions. The only thing they could do was try to control my freedom- be a good girl and dont be like others. How much can these moral compass related advises will prove success? Duh stay practical Nithya.  With my brothers being so young, I feel it's better to let me go financially.

Only the earth connection remained—meaning, a place to live. The rest, to build my future, I undertook through my own risk-taking, by staying away from my parents. This became the second Runanabandhan in my life. The first Runanabandhan began at birth. The second began during my 18th year, in my teenage years—just like you, Krsna. Jaise aapke tara. Perhaps that is why I found you within me. Since then, my emails and social aliases carried the suffix “Krsna,” not “Krishnan.

”Alongside it, the deep yearning for freedom made me determined to stand independently and financially on my own. That decision created a monetary Runanabandhan with them as well, in the form of cutting off the flow of financial support.

That journey brought both immense pride and deep pain, along with many sacrifices. Through it, I developed traits of Vairagya—not detachment from material pleasures, but from emotional Vairagya. Why should one remain attached to those who carry emotional negativity, when they themselves struggle and it shows that they themselves cannot demonstrate success in their own lives?

I carry a strong sense of justice within me. When something feels unfair or unsound, I react quickly—sometimes too quickly. What to do? Even if I try to captivate with calm speech, the devil inside eventually grows tired. The harshness emerges and creates its own version of Runanabandhan and Vairaghyam.

What can I do when I have embraced both the demons and the angels within? That is why, on the surface, I may appear calm, agreeable, even gentle. But beneath that calm lives a spirit that will stand and fight the moment something feels wrong. Sometimes I don't even mind cutting my "hands off "like how "Krishnaswamy cut off his in Mahanadhi...

I cannot remain in a place where one is treated with instability. In truth, I endured that for a couple of years. By standing through it, I lost other important zest in my life and still remained faithful to shallow followers. It is time to step away—with my head held high.Perhaps that is also why the falls this time isn’t hard as before. 

But every fall refines the will.
And the story continues — not with bitterness, but with clarity. Let me cry a little, Laugh a little more.

Remember Nitiya Kalyanni... If you could break the earlier Etheric Chords, then breaking the Symbolic Chords are easier...

Trust your instincts- especially when they are out of your own experiences

When you find the rhythm, free time in hand and seething anger that requires calmness- write.
About your old and new - travels, conversations and lessons about how societies succeed or fail.

I can finally hear my inner voice again and take the pen/macbook into my hands. As I enter my Venus Dasha, I feel as though life is inviting me to pause and see where destiny wishes to take my soul. Writing has always been my way of stepping back from the noise of the world and observing life more carefully. Perhaps this moment is not accidental at all. Hare Krsna.

With time and events suddenly opening up, I find myself thinking about leadership. Not the glamorous version that appears one sees in speeches or headlines, but the quiet force that determines whether societies thrive or collapse.

The more I travel, the more I realise that leadership shapes the invisible architecture of a nation. When it is thoughtful and disciplined, systems run smoothly and people flourish. When it is impulsive or ego driven, the cracks slowly widen until they become impossible to ignore.

Many of these reflections come from my own failures. Earlier in life I believed intelligence alone could carry a person forward. I assumed that if one could analyse problems sharply and argue convincingly, progress would naturally follow but nope. One has to have clarity and discernment.

2010 - Age 28: I went through hell with my own mysterious poor health and and post Lehman brothers took a hit on my career and self belief. In these moments you will attract failing business/jobs as well...

One experience that shaped my thinking deeply was the episode with Profit on Land. The venture was driven by a leader who became intoxicated with big business ideas but failed to calibrate the risks that come with handling other people's money. Decisions were made impulsively and basic questions were never asked. Landlords in India, particularly in Egmore, were engaged without properly scrutinising the terms and conditions or understanding the long term implications. I had my questions but I kept quiet, like how unconditionally loving Mothers get cheated badly.

Success arrived quickly on the surface. Media exposure on Vasantham made the venture appear credible and promising. Money flowed in from investors who trusted the vision. Yet behind the scenes the discipline that should accompany leadership was missing. Funds that were meant for investment planning and risk analysis began to disappear into symbols of success. A Jaguar arrived even before the foundations of the business had been properly secured. Eight years later the structure collapsed. Promises that once sounded convincing could no longer be fulfilled. Thirty seven million dollars of clients' money vanished into a series of poorly thought out decisions.

I was part of that chapter myself. I designed the brochures, organised venues for events and introduced clients who invested up to one hundred and twenty thousand dollars. Some were my friends, colleagues and even myself. Today not only the money but some of those relationships are gone.

Life has shown me otherwise. Without careful planning and disciplined execution, intelligence easily becomes noise. Some of the setbacks I experienced were not due to lack of ideas but due to the absence of structure. Failure forced me to confront the uncomfortable truth that clarity matters more than brilliance.

2007 & 2025

I first travelled to Japan on a 1 day transit while transiting toward Hawaii. In 2025 I returned again with my family. Each visit reinforced the same observation. Leadership in Japan does not announce itself loudly and yet it is filled with TOURISTS for its perfectionism and beauty. Cos it revealed itself quietly through discipline and order. Trains arrive exactly on time. Traffic rules are respected even when no one appears to be watching. They are reliable and true to their words. Public toilets are maintained with a level of cleanliness that rivals the best facilities anywhere in the world. Singapore, we stand no chance.
These details are not accidental. They reflect a culture where leadership has embedded responsibility into everyday life. The result is a society that moves with calm efficiency, almost as if the entire nation operates on a shared understanding of discipline.

2014 - Turkey

Turkey offered another perspective through the legacy of Mustafa Kemal Atatürk who's pro secular. His decision to shape Turkey into a secular republic required immense courage. Imagine Arabic words are written in English. It was not merely a political reform but an attempt to redefine the direction of an entire nation. Atatürk understood that leadership sometimes demands the willingness to challenge tradition when it restricts progress. His reforms were controversial, yet they demonstrated what happens when a leader is willing to think beyond immediate popularity and act with long term clarity. When I was there I cried looking at Hagia Sophia inner paintings. One side Muslims murals and the other Baby Christ with his Mother. They have learnt to acknowledge both divinity and to co-exist.

Since 2012- India

When I think of India I feel both admiration and frustration. The country possesses extraordinary intelligence, creativity and cultural depth. Yet leadership often becomes theatrical rather than practical. Grand speeches and emotional appeals dominate public discourse while efficient governance remains inconsistent. A deeper problem lies in the way society sometimes idolises individuals. Celebrities, politicians or charismatic figures are often elevated to the status of near deities. When humans are worshipped rather than respected, critical thinking begins to weaken. Societies sometimes elevate individuals beyond reasonable admiration.

In astrology the Sun represents self respect, authority and inner sovereignty. When people surrender their discernment and fall at the feet of ordinary humans for temporary excitement, that solar strength weakens. Respect for genuine teachers, parents and spiritual guides is natural. But blind idolisation of public figures is something else entirely. Celebrities, despite their talent and hard work, are still products of perception and illusion, very much like the Rahu principle in astrology. We are meant to draw light from the Sun itself, not worship the lightbulbs that briefly reflect its glow like Rahu.

With Bengali blood, you gave birth to Bangladesh's independence out of East Pakistan and with gratitude I would say I'm indebted to your brilliance and support.

With that- India / Bharat Mata / Bharatha Deshame, you will always have my unconditional love, respect and support. I respect the plethora of culture, opposites and divinity within you... Till date listening to your loving National Anthem, my tears flows without restrain. Who else speaks unite the diversity in love and feminine manner.

2005 for school project & 2013 my honeymoon

Sri Lanka provides a sobering reminder of how fragile prosperity can be. Once considered a promising and stable nation, it gradually found itself weakened by leadership that failed to handle ethnic identity with sensitivity and wisdom. Did you know that with the deepest harbors in Sri Lanka, it could easily replace Singapore as the favored PORT. Thanks to its internal uprest, Singapore thrived. 

The inability to recognise Tamil identity with dignity created divisions that grew sharper over time. Yet the tragedy is not one sided. Communities that define themselves purely through grievance or pride can also lose their sense of balance. Leadership must nurture identity without allowing it to become a force that fragments society. Despite all of this, looking at the Flag of SriLanka, with the Singha and his sword towards the Minorities colours still trouble me...

Classified...

This country presented yet another complex lesson. It is a nation surrounded by constant tension, yet it continues to innovate, build institutions and encourage technological advancement that benefits Globally. 

What struck me was the effort to maintain coexistence and practical functioning despite the pressures of conflict. However, leadership also faces harsh realities when extremist forces push situations beyond negotiation. 

When violence escalates to a point where stability itself is threatened, leaders are forced into decisions that carry heavy moral weight. It is a reminder that leadership often operates within uncomfortable grey areas where no option is entirely clean.

Today....

All of these experiences eventually lead me back to a simple conclusion. Leadership is not about charisma or popularity. It is about responsibility and clarity. The strongest leaders are rarely the loudest ones. They are the individuals who think carefully, plan patiently and build systems that outlast them. They understand that emotion alone cannot sustain a society. Without analytical thinking and disciplined planning even the most passionate vision can collapse.

My own journey has taught me humility in this regard. The mistakes I have made have forced me to examine how easily ego can replace thoughtful leadership.
They have also shown me that careful planning is not a luxury but a necessity.
When leaders ignore analysis and rely purely on instinct or image, institutions slowly weaken.
Dear SAC, you're indeed repeating your patterns.

As I step into this new phase of life under Venus Dasha, I find myself less interested to meddle further and trust my instinctes when I see the above patterns. I step out what I once called close to my heart. 

Unsound principles, so much of ThaduMaatram, unbalanced Emotions, Misconstrued Philosophies, Inability to break from what is Conditional and Unconditional way of Life. Mixing up both personal and work with IMPULSIVE thinking patterns and with no structured and sound analysis. I'm seeing these here since 2022, initially I would ignore and moved on. But now... enough is enough.

Let me balance the energy here.
You guys touched my Core, gave me a platform for my emotions, place to showcase my feminine love. However, remember too much of "go with the flow" Shakti without conscious discipline makes your history repeat again and again. 

Im forever grateful for this event. Even though I don't speak to my Sister, we made peace when she ate my cooking after our mega fight. That sight was so magnificent, cos tho I outwardly I tread with caution on my interactions with her, that sight and exchange means I had forgiven her and she has forgiven me.

But that joy is no longer having chances of repeating, thanks to some 'leader'.

8th Feb 2025

I've tried my best and when I see/feel/hear unsound principles, Nitiya... refer back and back out. It is ok, it is not your Karma to be trapped. "Leaders" who were here are also barely scrapping it through. Some are going downhill in personal lives.

You helped and now you feel the same medicine. Well Some "lands" are meant to remain that way.

Picked these Tarot Cards via UNIVERSE on 8th February. Slowly day by day... I got my answers... Mashallah... Confirm it. Striking Out Now...

Writing offers a way to capture these reflections while they are still fresh, it is time I surrender to the Universe to bring what I need.  

For now I simply appreciate the quiet moment that allows these thoughts to surface.

Sometimes stepping away from the demands of work is not a loss of momentum. Sometimes it is the beginning of a clearer understanding of the forces that guide both individuals, teams and nations.

May Lakshmi guide me toward what is worthy.
May Alakshmi cleanse what is false or excessive.
May Sri Vishnu restore balance whenever the mind drifts away from dharma.

Hare Krsna....

Hum kabhi alvida na kahen.

 

Hum kabhi alvida na kahen.

Ek din aisa bhi aata hai, jab ghar jaisa sthaan chhodna padta hai.

Jahan seva ki thi, wahin se vida lena sabse kathin hota hai.

Maine jo diya, woh kartavya nahin tha—woh hriday se nikla tha.

Rasoi ki har sugandh mein meri bhaavna thi.

Har shabd jo bola, woh shraddha se janma tha.

Kabhi-kabhi krodh bhi aaya, par woh bhi sachchai se hi utha tha.

Aaj main door ja raha hoon, jaise Krishna ek din Vrindavan se chala gaya.

Maa ka aangan peeche reh jaata hai, par prem kabhi peeche nahin chhootta.

Jo kuch yahan seekha aur diya, wahi meri yatra ka prakaash rahega.

Vida ka arth ant nahin hota—kabhi-kabhi yeh ek shaant aashirvaad hota hai.

2 Saalo aur 202 Dino ki baar

2 Saalo aur 202 Dino ki baar 

Radhe chali gayi, aur uske saath mere dino ki roshni bhi.

Uske baad jo bhi mila, uski parchhaai mein wahi dhadkan sunai di.

Ek thi, jo Radhe ki yaad jaisi lagi — par Radhe nahin thi.

Milna chaha to shabd takra gaye, aur har koshish bahas ban gayi.

Jaise do nadiyan paas bahti hon, par sang na mil paati hon.

Aaj woh kisi aur ke saath khaas dosti banaane ja rahi hai.

Aur main… uske liye dil se mangal kaamna karta hoon.

Kyunki kuch rishte prem nahin hote, par phir bhi adhoore nahin hote.

Radhe ki smriti ab bhi hai, par yeh kahani ab shaant hai.

Aur uski khushiyon mein, mera man sachmuch prasann hai.

The Romance Burner - the unwanted burner.

They say life is sustained by four burners whose flames represent - health, career, family, and in my case, a child-like, mindless romance. I often wonder why romance flame keeps demanding attention when the others ask quietly for discipline. Perhaps it is because I still live here-  Venus-ruled inner landscape, where connection, beauty, and longing speak louder than logic. Romance feels less like a choice and more like gravity. Even when I know the cost, my mind still asks, why not.

I did not expect an unrequited unspoken feeling to carry this much weight. I imagined distance, silence, maybe disappointment. What I did not foresee was the emotional complexity, the ethical knots, the invisible consequences that followed every word and pause. Over time, I learned that even the most intensely pursued romance does not guarantee meaning.

And yet, the mind still pines for that unrequited shemesh. Reading back, I see patterns I did not recognise then: care dressed as concern, curiosity stretching into attachment, pauses that carried more than words. Nothing explicit, yet everything implied. The longing was not loud, but persistent, sustained by moments that felt unfinished. I still see the past me in the present you.

To overcome da tots of shemesh, the last three years unfolded like a slow whirlwind. There were mishaps with Radhey Radhey Krishna, whose demands for a perfect relationship and shallow, impractical romance drained more than they gave. You gave me joy and safety, but your light turned out to be a torch light.

Another burnr was a biggest misstep with a "philosopher" whose PhD in mystical marriage and detachment and psyche strengthening turned out to be Mystical Muses. Someone whom I thought I could trust, only to be met with insecurities and disillusionment. Another light with full of soot with no heat as promised.

Somewhere between growth and confusion, romance became a mirror that turned me inside out.

Perhaps, I mistook shemesh for bliss, but it was closer to a sour grape- bright, tempting, and not meant to be consumed. 

What unsettles me is not the absence of outcome, but the clarity that followed. I now see how unnecessary romance, especially when incomplete, can destabilise more than it nourishes. How desire, when unexamined, borrows time and energy from the other burners without asking permission.

And yet, I write this without bitterness. Longing taught me restraint. Loss taught me discernment. The pining remains, waiting for its natural death. It sits quietly now, reminding me that romance is powerful, not because it fulfils us, but because it reveals where we are still learning to choose wisely. 

Today I remember to not mix Pleasure for ROMANCE. I now see that my Romance is as powerful as a whirlpool born of the Divine Feminine, whose own power I keep underestimating... 

Formulae and motivation

Happy with where I am. Following formulae set in daily task.

A team that's Supportive and act as a  good back up to each other.  

Perhaps with these support and predictability are the reasons why I feel motivated. 

But honestly am I satisfied? No. 

There are days where aspirations overwhelmed. So much dedication all my speech and Listeners would assume I own the business. 

It is in the line of business that I really want to succeed. That's where the real challenge, independence lies. But I didn't. 

The void still hurts. 

Any wisdom and luck waiting for me.