So much of Fault Within Yet With Awareness

I will not pretend I was flawless.
I spoke too sharply,  sometimes let pride guard my wounds instead of healing them. trusted envious snakes easily thinking they have shed their skin for the 1000th time  silly stupid me  

I refused to listen to my own inner voice. In the middle of conflict, I forgot that strength is not in winning arguments, but in mastering oneself. The truth is simple: I am princess of blunder.

Yet mistakes are not the end of a story. They are lessons. They teach me to detach like a queen — to release the grip, to let both hands off the handle when the battle is no longer worth holding. To stand up, own the damage, and transform the same fire that once burned others into the discipline that builds something better.

Yes, I Remember - I showed security with reliability and detachment. I didn't stayed on to the past too long but moved on with awareness on Present and Hopeful with Faith.

Quietly. Steadily. I rise again. Wiser, steadier, and far more dangerous to my old weaknesses. Then I remembered even this act of detachment leads to envy of others… esp those power hungry and insecure ones.

Because at my core, I am built differently. I have always been a born idealist and a rebel, naturally drawn to change, progress, and new ways of thinking. But outwardly I portray as logical. 

Enthusiasm drives me, it drrives toward ideas, philosophies, the arts, and the deeper questions of life. My interests are broad and sweeping, and I have little patience for people who vacillate, hesitate endlessly or lack conviction.

From the age of 18 onwards, I sought little/almost no support from places where there was no respect or opportunity for progression. My parents could not nourish my intellectual growth, nor support my ambitions. The only thing they could do was try to control my freedom- be a good girl and dont be like others. How much can these moral compass related advises will prove success? Duh stay practical Nithya.  With my brothers being so young, I feel it's better to let me go financially.

Only the earth connection remained—meaning, a place to live. The rest, to build my future, I undertook through my own risk-taking, by staying away from my parents. This became the second Runanabandhan in my life. The first Runanabandhan began at birth. The second began during my 18th year, in my teenage years—just like you, Krsna. Jaise aapke tara. Perhaps that is why I found you within me. Since then, my emails and social aliases carried the suffix “Krsna,” not “Krishnan.

”Alongside it, the deep yearning for freedom made me determined to stand independently and financially on my own. That decision created a monetary Runanabandhan with them as well, in the form of cutting off the flow of financial support.

That journey brought both immense pride and deep pain, along with many sacrifices. Through it, I developed traits of Vairagya—not detachment from material pleasures, but from emotional Vairagya. Why should one remain attached to those who carry emotional negativity, when they themselves struggle and it shows that they themselves cannot demonstrate success in their own lives?

I carry a strong sense of justice within me. When something feels unfair or unsound, I react quickly—sometimes too quickly. What to do? Even if I try to captivate with calm speech, the devil inside eventually grows tired. The harshness emerges and creates its own version of Runanabandhan and Vairaghyam.

What can I do when I have embraced both the demons and the angels within? That is why, on the surface, I may appear calm, agreeable, even gentle. But beneath that calm lives a spirit that will stand and fight the moment something feels wrong. Sometimes I don't even mind cutting my "hands off "like how "Krishnaswamy cut off his in Mahanadhi...

I cannot remain in a place where one is treated with instability. In truth, I endured that for a couple of years. By standing through it, I lost other important zest in my life and still remained faithful to shallow followers. It is time to step away—with my head held high.Perhaps that is also why the falls this time isn’t hard as before. 

But every fall refines the will.
And the story continues — not with bitterness, but with clarity. Let me cry a little, Laugh a little more.

Remember Nitiya Kalyanni... If you could break the earlier Etheric Chords, then breaking the Symbolic Chords are easier...