feel small in the shrinking environment

she was flipping through her pending documents and doing some mental filing of their priority. As she was trying hard to focus, she couldn't take her mind of her falling businesses and how the pay lately isn't rewarding her efforts.

she looks towards her side and glanced over her colleagues of other departments. Over the past few months she isn't surprised that they too were facing a similar fate.

She felt being cheated by a partner of giving her a fake business. And afraid to sign up some new customers who she thinks might drop the policy for a shortlived exchange of gifts. sometimes she finds that being at the right place and company is very very important.

she needs a calling to be right there. hoping that somewhere her prayers will be answered. Lately she has been often gasping with the idea that if she is being short changed and her talents have been not recognised.

or perhaps is the current economic conditions that cause her to work double hard for the same rewards. its a call for survival. its a call for management and adaption. its a call for ethical behavior and tolerance level.

i love the challenges that i'm facing, but at times i got to stand tall and write the i as capital I....
It is time to Look Up.

This is my lil World.

Let this space show a different view of me from what one may see on facebook, friendster and outside etc etc. Let this be my crying hole, dead end and as always a sanctuary for me to pray.

I realise that in this lil red dot island, the real God is Government. Never ever go against it or else you will regret. I meant anyone who is superior to you. Your parents, teachers, bosses and of cos the government.

Another reason for this space is that no matter how much I try to smile or let them out there know I'm good, it has never been that better.

Can't help but I feel that I'm still in a sea paddling with an almost broken oar. It needs tremendous amount of efforts to reach the shore. Sometimes I feel that in the end reaching that island might be futile, knowing that there wouldn't be anyone by the time I reach it. Or perhaps my hands would be useless and gone for anything else. At times I feel like jumping off the ship and rather swim. Let go of the ambition and lead a simple life. A swimming pool life? Limited but safe. At least you are surrounded by people who can save you. In the name of conditional love.

This is my space and let me write what those smiles can't really say much. I just want to keep my family life back on track. So much wanting to show my involvement but I just give way in the name of sales, work and school. I don't know but after so much of struggle its still rock bottom.
Endless outflow of water.

I've heard of this somewhere and perhaps this is how my next 1 year should be.
I have a ship. I always wanted to paint and beautify it. But now my ship is in a crisis. I've got no time to paint it but to spend all my energy & focus on siphoning out the water before I sink together with it.